Day #11 – Song – Care by Jeremy Shayne
Today was a little stressful for me. I haven’t been on a “first date” in almost 5 years, and today I agreed to one. It wasn’t bad, the other person was sweet and extremely nice. I just felt out of place and awkward. I kept thinking how maybe this was all wrong and I made a bad decision. I kept thinking to my self, “Maybe I just don’t care about relationships anymore?”.
Like, it was great to have someone to talk to and get to know a new person. And I know I have been lonely since my breakup. But I don’t even know if I cared enough in my last relationship. . . Maybe that’s why it didn’t work out? Because I didn’t try enough? I gave up towards the end? I know that there were multiple problems and it wasn’t just me, but I just keep thinking maybe if I cared enough it would have worked out in the end. So maybe I’m just scared to start over. Or I need more time to clue back the pieces of my heart and sew on the parts of myself I let get ripped away. Either way, I keep blaming myself for stuff and I don’t really know where I should go from here. . .