Day #11

Day #11 – Song – Care by Jeremy Shayne

Today was a little stressful for me. I haven’t been on a “first date” in almost 5 years, and today I agreed to one. It wasn’t bad, the other person was sweet and extremely nice. I just felt out of place and awkward. I kept thinking how maybe this was all wrong and I made a bad decision. I kept thinking to my self, “Maybe I just don’t care about relationships anymore?”.

Like, it was great to have someone to talk to and get to know a new person. And I know I have been lonely since my breakup. But I don’t even know if I cared enough in my last relationship. . . Maybe that’s why it didn’t work out? Because I didn’t try enough? I gave up towards the end? I know that there were multiple problems and it wasn’t just me, but I just keep thinking maybe if I cared enough it would have worked out in the end. So maybe I’m just scared to start over. Or I need more time to clue back the pieces of my heart and sew on the parts of myself I let get ripped away. Either way, I keep blaming myself for stuff and I don’t really know where I should go from here. . .


Day #9

Day #9 – Song – Alone by I Prevail

So over this weekend I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I tend to let people into my life fairly easily. Be it relationships, friends, etc. But I notice that I let them in and then I get left standing all alone. This has happened with multiple friends and relationships. I know this song is mostly about relationships, but I felt like it kinda felt how I’ve been feeling about all of this.

I used to believe that it was me, that I just kept doing something wrong and it was pushing everyone away. But I’m starting to realize that I’m just really hard on myself. I have some amazing friends that I’ve made over the past 2-ish years, and they haven’t left me. Even after seeing me at some really dark times. The pain of having so many people walk out of my life still hurts, and it probably always will. But, I’ve made it this far and if these people can still stand by me after seeing some of my darkest days unlike others who have walked away, then I can keep going.

Day #7

Day #7 – Song – Dirty Souls by Five Knives

Once again I fail at uploading. My excuse this time is that I went out with friends and spent my first night passed out on a bathroom floor next to the toilet. So you can say it was an “intense” night. Here’s the song for that night/day!

Day #5

Day #5 – Song – Gasoline by Halsey

So yesterday I passed out by 9pm and was unable to upload a song. Oops. Anyways, the song for the day is a great song. The video is even better. Basically with dealing with my mental health I sometimes feel like the girl in the video; going through your daily routine emotionless. Yesterday I started feeling like I was about to go into a low point, which is what I call my days/weeks where I am in slumps and constantly oozing with anxiety and depression. I usually can tell when I am about to fall into a low when I get easily irritated and I start slowing going emotionless. It was just one of those days and I felt like this song and video fit for it.

Day #3

Day #3 – Song – Common Ground by Our Last Night

I recently left a relationship that was extremely hard for me to walk away from. Much like the song, we continued to fight and not look at finding common ground with one another. We both meant well in our own ways, but each of us were too stubborn to change our minds about things. This song popped up on my shuffle list today and I thought it fit some of the feelings I have been having lately. So eh, here it is.

Day #2

Day #2 – Song – Feels Like Summer by Weezer

So last night I went riding around looking for shenanigans to get into with my friends. Besides waking up with a ton of bug bites, I would say it was a pretty fun night. And today we went out to this swimming spot a couple hours away. All in all, it really did feel like it was summer as I haven’t gotten around to doing any thing summer-ish since I started working.